Did you know that your sexual fantasies are tied to your psychological needs?
Not feeling so sexually competent? Those who fantasize about threesomes may not feel that great about themselves. Dreaming of a threesome helps to gain validation of of sexual prowess and/or to be perceived as sexually irresistible.
Are you the romantic type in your fantasy? Long, languid dinners on the beach followed by hours of lusty lovemaking? You may be seeking a desire to be loved, intimacy and connection.
Approval seeking type? BDSM may be your fantasy of choice because it delivers that escape from insight. If you enjoy the arousal through pain, this may help to increase your attention in the moment. A departure from your inner dialogue, that voice in your head may help you to feel desired.
The bottom line? Sexual fantasy can be therapeutic for the everyday stressors and psychological needs we may have at any given time. Our fantasies may change given our station in life.
This is my conclusion after a decade of speaking to people in relationships.
I can't tell you how often people have uttered the words, "I'm not a cheater,"....but when my son's coach started texting me, it quickly turned to sexting.
Louise had low sexual desire.....for her husband. Tired of his irritable personality & financial control, the last thing on her mind was sex. She'd never entertained an affair. She wasn't a cheater. On a weekend away, she sought comfort on Facebook, messaged her college boyfriend, now a divorced man, she hit the sack.
Andrew, a family man was losing patience in his sexless marriage. After the birth of their daughter, sex & his wife's attention was off the table & he felt neglected. When Louse the savvy, sexy, sinewy accountant sent a LinkedIn message asking him how he was...it was over. That was the foreplay to the affair.
Relationship issues, unresolved conflict, sexless in a marriage & bedroom boredom are just some issues that may lead to temptation. But where are people going these days to seek arousal, desirability or sexual satisfaction? Look no further than that phone attached at the hip.
The new form of cheating may be the foreplay to full blown infidelity. It's called microcheating & it's about likes, hearts, IM, texts & sexts. And it's easy to do.
There is also a rise in technologies to support this new found online sexual satisfaction; invisible writing, secret phone numbers, apps that delete messages, encryption apps, aliases & more.
If you are keeping secrets from your spouse about your on-line love, it could be a fatal attraction.
“For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.”
― Isabel Allende, Of Love and Shadows
The power of the written word. Words are arousing. Words can ignite the desire within. Sometimes it just takes a word or two. There's nothing like a story told, an incident recounted, a blow by blow account whispered into the tender ear of a lover.
Use your words. Invite her. Tease her. Play with her.
Words are used for sarcasm, humour and to compliment. Words are what women want to hear. Your thoughts, feelings, ideas.
No need to be afraid. Your humility comes through your words. Your vulnerability can be spoken. Speak To Her.